Part II — Conduct, Fees & Disqualification
The entry fee is non-refundable, non-transferable, and non-negotiable, except that it may be paid in compliments if the jury happens to be having a good week.
Filmmakers who applaud their own film during the post-screening Q&A will be escorted to a reflection room. The reflection room is the parking lot.
Any filmmaker caught networking during a screening forfeits their popcorn privileges for the remainder of the festival.
Selected films will be announced by smoke signal from the festival's office. Entrants outside line of sight assume all associated risk and, frankly, all associated blame.
The jury's decision is final, unappealable, and on occasion decided by a coin that only lands on "rejected."
Attendees may not describe any film as "brave," "raw," or "unflinching" more than once per conversation. Repeat offenders will be gently corrected by Article 12.
Disqualification is immediate and irreversible for: bribery under $500 (below our published rate card), false claims of attendance made on your film's behalf by its cat, and any drone shot that isn't at least a little bit unnecessary.
All winners must deliver an acceptance speech of no more than seven words, at least two of which must be false.
The festival reserves the right to award Best Picture to a picture — an actual, framed picture — if no suitable films are received that year.
These regulations may be altered, reversed, or forgotten entirely at the festival's convenience. Ignorance of them is, conveniently, the only accepted defence.